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16-Oct-2020 10:14
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He describes himself as a “devil-worshiping cocktail of ethnicities,” but what he really is is all over the place. This guy covers a lot of ground in one paragraph, but somehow he conveys nothing but confusion and chaos. Last of all, I give you a single girl who has no idea just how unappealing her username is.“Soundtracks are the fastest way to my little black heart,” he concludes. Chlamydia_Lydia has chosen a truly unfortunate — and outrageously funny — username for her Ok Cupid profile.Reading on, however, it’s clear that this is not a stable or funny person.“I key in on your insecurities,” he writes, “and abuse you verbally.This 27-year-old single was clearly bored out of his mind when he decided to photoshop his arm taking a selfie coming out of his crotch. This Full-House slashfic erotica writer is a prime example.In the “most private thing I’m willing to admit” section, he can’t help but complain about his inability to score with women.“I’m so sick of being friendzoned,” he writes, which already isn’t going to gain a lot of sympathy from single women who are damn good friends.Then he says, “Ladies, if you’re looking for a REAL MAN who will value you for your heart and not your body, your knight in shining armor awaits.” OK, not so bad, right? Wait, but then he adds: “No fatties, please,” and reveals himself for the hypocritical douchebag he is.
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Liam writes about himself, “I’m a 38-year-old hairdresser from Pakistan and a compulsive liar.” First, his profile says he’s 25.Well, that pretty much sums up Alli Reed’s descent into online dating madness. Alli messaged her suitors with all-caps gibberish (my favorite was: “CAN I PULL OUT YOUR TEETH? Some even asked this clearly psycho chick out on a date!
