Women dating bankers
EDIT -- I am not Lauren, and cannot confirm or deny if the names were changed.
I'm several degrees of separation from this whole thing.
I didn't necessarily have to talk about it, but spending time with him was always a guaranteed way to feel better. I am starting to feel the effects of investment banking wear away. When I pull up to my apartment, sometimes I forget to look around to make sure H's car isn't parked nearby. It was a reply about how we should manage the financial logistics between us. I wouldn't need to touch it and he would let me know when he was done to give him the money back. He already cancelled my credit cards that were linked to his account (I hadn't tried to use them, so I didn't know), and he said I could have anyone pick up my laptop from his office on any day, just to let him know when it would be so he could leave it with security. I assume he'll reach out at the end of the month after a full month has passed since he sent the email, which is when he originally wanted to meet. I'm obviously into guys who are proud of their jobs and take their lives seriously, but how do you balance that with actually having a life? Burying myself in fitness and friends and family and work. I feel relived to have come to the realization that it's okay to be wrong. I still get ransoms congratulations from people and have to correct them. He specifically told me that if we broke up that the money would remain mine, but honestly it's way too much money to keep.
I went to work the next day, sleep deprived but happy and cheerful and upbeat. Although it's a bit weird for him to not contact me, I'm not frustrated by it. How do you balance that with a personality sucking job that takes over every piece of your life? It's more of a rambling thought day as I try to distract myself from checking on H. Some how things can simultaneously feel like they were years ago and just yesterday. The funny thing is that I've had lots of offers from people who said they could find out about him for me. I've been doing some guided meditations and there are times when I can literally feel myself getting stronger and better. I need to give it back, but I first need to sell the stocks and some of them I'd be selling at a loss.
At some point he asked me who I knew in the industry (because I obviously didn't work there myself) and I peacefully told him that I was with my ex for 4 years and he works at bank X. My hands continued to shake and I decided to go for a walk around the office. The drive home gave me a chance/forced me to think. Just his email threw me off, I don't think seeing him will help me in any way. People at work have noticed that my face is brighter, my hair is shinier, and that I have a bounce in my step. I am not jealous of the endless engagements and weddings.
He then asked me what my insight would be about ibanking, coming from the ex-girlfriend. I was hoping I would bump into any of my close work friends who I could talk to, but I didn't, which was probably better. I went back to my desk, reread the email, and decided to deal with it later. In his email he apologized, very specific apologies to literally everything that had hurt me. I am so much happier in my peaceful bubble of work, family, gym, friends, I really don't have the energy or emotional capacity to disturb that balance. A friend saw him at a Halloween party, he's obviously finding his own ways to cope. As I told her the story she kept saying how she felt I was so peaceful, and how when I spoke it sounded like it was ages ago when it was actually recent. I felt like I was talking about something that was so far in the past, and I DID feel really peaceful. The corporate world forced me to come out of hibernation to face the world. Quite the contrary actually, I am proud and happy for people who have found a way to make it work, and I'm coming to terms that I didn't really get there, and that's OKAY. Regardless, I'll always have my work, friends, family, cat and you girls :) So this is just a little update that I'm feeling better, and I can't do it without each of you. Lots and lots and lots of love, S I have been dating an investment banker, who I call H, since early 2012.
It was a hectic day but I managed it well and my good results at work are starting to shine through. I try to not think of him out partying and getting drunk and meeting random girls and instead focus on me and what my plans are and what I want to do. I'm looking forward to the week ending and spending some quality time in the gym! Everywhere I go and every day that passes I feel like I'm healing and getting stronger. It's been a month since we've had any communication. Sometimes it will be in the middle of a meditation, or a middle of a workout. I get sudden flashbacks of our relationship all the time. And how would I give the money back to him without interacting?
I'm trying to finish the thesis I never finished and excel at work and bond with my colleagues since I'm with them 99% of my life anyways! There are some moments when I can actively feel myself getting stronger. It seems H has been spreading the word that we've broken up so that I don't have to. I obsessively followed his little dot until he was home, then I was finally able to sleep. Is there more pain still coming that I haven't processed? It's by far the longest it's ever been that we went without speaking. I'm starting to really identify the qualities and traits in a person that are important to me, and the things I'm not okay with. It's not something I'm very proud of, and I think it's very applicable to this blog so I'll tell you girls about my thoughts on this. Interacting will be too complicated and too painful.
In fact, things have really worked out for the best for me. He took responsibility, there was no such thing as me paying for anything in his presence, or me driving for that matter.
I wondered if H's friend wondered if A was my rebound. A and I have a weird dynamic that even I don't understand. He never missed a birthday, never missed a funeral, never missed an occasion. I was expecting the emotional blackmail to resurface, and any opportunity to pull me back in to be seized. I notice the way he comes and finds me to talk or tease me. It's nothing I'm planning to act on and nothing I'm sure he will act on either, but I thought it was good to notice that I am at least allowing myself to feel that chemistry with another guy. I usually worry about H after 11pm and start to wonder if I should check his location to make sure he's okay. I figured he might have blocked my number so he wouldn't see any texts from me. On the contrary actually, all my flashbacks do is reassure me that I made the right decision. I still secretly check his location from time to time to make sure he's okay even though I no longer share my location with him. There's still one main pending point which I don't know what to do about.