The switch from dating to relationship
I knew I was going to learn a lot from this beautiful soul, but I didn’t expect the anxiety that came up within me once things began to get serious.
At times I felt extremely co-dependent and didn’t want him to spend too much time out of the house, or working, or pursuing his passions, even though I knew it was healthy and normal for him to do that.
“Be messy and complicated and afraid and show up anyways.” ~Glennon Doyle Melton When I was younger, I assumed that when I found the ideal person for me and was in my ideal relationship, it was going to be easy, and I was going to feel comfortable and safe all the time.
I would be floating on clouds, feeling blissful and light, and I’d love everything that person did all the time. I have come to learn, through countless emotional outbursts, anxious moments, doubt-filled thoughts, hard conversations, and extreme emotional discomfort, that my belief of the ideal relationship was pretty misguided.
and with the premeditated plan of talking you into the other one. Well, it is really the same thing as the way this tactic is used in business.
Your partner pretended that a certain kind of relationship was available to you.
If they were able to maintain a certain persona during the idealization phase.If this is an adult that is unaware when they are being abusive to you, then you do not want to be with them.If this adult is incapable of understanding how adult relationships work, then you will never have a fulfilling relationship with them.The issue of whether or not the person knows how abusive they are simply cannot be a factor in whether or not you have to feel obligated to continue to tolerate their abuse.
You are not “a bad person” if you leave the relationship.One of the reasons I hear from my clients that makes it hard for certain people to to leave an abusive relationship, is that they are not fully sure in their own minds if the partner is abusive them intentionally.