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16-Jun-2020 03:58

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And third, the women with whom a man corresponds, and the sexual scripts he most highly prefers, can be selected for and are under the man's relative control.

If the other person doesn't "fit the bill" and doesn't want to play in the prescribed ways, that connection can be deleted and another, more appropriate, one is available to take its place.

Just as knowing the shape of a key enables you to infer the shape of the lock it opens, so, too, knowing someone's preferred mode of sexual satisfaction and fantasy enables you to infer a lot about that person's inner life.

The reason is simple: Sexual preferences and fantasies are ways of counteracting certain beliefs and feelings that, left on their own, dampen our libido.

And, finally, a university professor, a woman, who I worked with many years ago found herself drawn to biker types because their apparent rough-hewn manner and in-sensitivity made her less guilty and worried about taking care of them. Some people, predominantly men, enjoy sexual encounters on the Internet, whether via erotic conversations, twittering, or sexting.

Such guilt and worry inhibited her in so-called "normal" relationships. On the surface, the appeal of these modalities is not that difficult to divine.

While these three dimensions of online sexual play can be appealing to women, too, they speak to particular anxieties and vulnerabilities in many men today.

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We can understand someone like Weiner and still condemn his behavior.

The deeper appeal lies in three areas unique to the digital world: First, the man enjoys connections with lots of (in this case) women.

His barriers to connectedness are thus overcome and his loneliness is temporarily alleviated. And in a relationship between objects, no one is truly dependent, dissatisfied, or unhappy.

For some, the fact that Anthony Weiner exercised terrible judgment, humiliated himself, and potentially hurt the Democratic Party is all that matters.

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Others are more impressed with how his behavior reflects the overarching pathology of the male ego, especially those of politicians and public figures. Some people, however, are genuinely curious about the deeper psychological reasons that a successful man like Weiner who is married to a beautiful dynamo of a woman would risk his career to compulsively engage in the most superficial erotic repartee with women he doesn't know and with whom he would never consider having a real relationship.Based on decades of both research and clinical experience in treating sexually based anxieties, inhibitions, and compulsions in men, I think I can explain some of the deeper motivations involved.