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17-May-2020 15:01

There are 198 movies, 60 shorts, and 4 specials in the MST3K canon. Something gets in your way, you pull out your little gun and you gotta shoot them. (See Notes below for help on using this page.) Crow: Hey Joel, uh... Well mister listen, someday there's going to be a flying Rocketeer behind you who's going to shoot back. It's like, there's a guy in a gorilla suit, and there's— he's got a robot head, and inside he's got kind of a bunch of clay… Donald Duck turns 90, Mickey and Minnie's 25th Anniversary, uh... Kinga Forrester: Okay come on, Disney celebrates fake anniversaries all the time! I came up with this Holo-Clown Sequencer to cheer up the Bots but now I can't get it to shut off and it's getting hard to sleep at night and I'm tasting metal! It's a fetid little piece of tripe featuring sword and sorcery, Gary Lockwood and an embarrassed Basil Rathbone. Scabbing, inflexible, lethargic, mucus-expelling creatures having no spoken language and no particular powers with which to conquer. Wandered into shot yesterday and they decided to keep it." [referring to his character's recurring phrase] "What the heck does 'Avante, avante' mean? Mike [as Whitey]: So then Mabel said to me "well, why'd you wear those earrings? Oh, we learned some cats can open the refrigerator, get the milk, bring the milk into the middle of the kitchen, throw it up in the air, drop it on the floor, shatter it all over the place.[The film begins with a flyby of the Satellite of Love, orbiting over Earth. The guards come in and see the open door of the false route.]Servo: Which means I really, really hate the citizens and officials of Rutland, Vermont. I never liked the citizens and officials of stupid Rutland, Vermont! By the elements alone, they will grow to millions of times their original size in less time than it takes for the sun to rise and fall."Joel: Hi, everyone, welcome to the Sattelite of Love. Forrester: Well Jimmy Smits, your movie today is roasted fresh from the kitchens of Bert I Gordon. Is this one of your crazy science experiments, huh? [takes book and does own Jack Palance impression] "Day Three: missed call. Servo: So basically, according to themselves, the Air Force is a bunch of leather-faced, not-so-bright, heavy drinking, dull-witted speed freaks who poop in their pants and can't make it with women, right? They come to a room with two routes; Nick quickly opens the door of one route and he and Lisa go down the other. A man who said, "If I want to make a movie, I don't need big stars, or a lot of money, or talent, or taste, or a sense of basic human decency."Jonah: Oh, I bet this is the part of the movie where Eric's gonna give a big speech about no matter what we look like on the outside, we are all the same, and really, isn't that- [the police begin opening fire on the aliens, starting a massive firefight] Whoa, okay. So I made my own giant lizard film to offer as my alternative to God[bleep]. There is hope, but it has to come from inside — from man himself. (points to the left while Servo makes missile noises) In all of you! Joel: Some eye creatures are born with scaly protective covering. After four days of shooting, finally got script today and guess what? I'm supposed to be some kind of freakin' wizard."Patrolman: Whenever there's a haphazard on the road, there's usually a sign that tells you about it. Narrator: When you've got as many birds to look after as this hatchery, you're pretty receptive to labor-saving devices. It runs the length of the building, and is used to carry feed to the different pens. Gypsy, who's holding a towel, watches Mike as he finally finishes his morning routine and goes for a human-scale sized hamster water feeding canister.]Gypsy: Affirmative! Crow: [singing It's a Long Way to Tipperary] It's a long way to tipperary... Go to hell, citizens and officials of Rutland, Vermont! I'm sensing the presence of several disembodied souls… Men have always sought an end to the toil and misery, but it can't be given, it has to be achieved. (points to the right while Servo makes missile noises) In you... (Fu Manchu sits down; the crew all make raspberry noises) Servo: Oh... Morrissey: This is a song that I wrote in a time in my life when I was very, very, very sad. It's called "Hairdresser in a Coma": I cried last night, I died a million deaths. Joel: [reading fan letter, a child's crayon scribble on graph paper] Cambot, put this up on still-store, there's no print, but it's a really good drawing of me, and, Crow, and... They were also unfortunate enough to have evolved with heavy-duty zippers running up their backs. "Servo: [takes book, does Palance] "Day Five: missed call. " and then we went to Nine West but we couldn't find anything we wanted cause I have really wide feet, but sometimes I can find stuff at Payless, anyhoo, Cindy told me that Victoria's Secret was just around the corner, and she said that they're having a sale, and she knows I'm really broke right now, so I confronted her, and, well... We then cut to Mike finishing up his daily running exercise. This is just the nail in the coffin, as far as I'm concerned.

Then a synthesized interplanetary salute to Perry Como. Heh heh...y'know, ya see, 'cause of the thing with the... Servo [as Radio DJ]: [sultrily] It's a sleazy morning out there.

Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb (1964), Blade Runner (1982), Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1975), Children of Men (2006) and Ikiru (1952).



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