Fear in dating


04-Oct-2020 15:23

Women who have been widowed have already been through a terrible emotional ordeal. My private coaching client “Lori,” was in her fifties when her husband died, leaving her to raise her teenage son alone.

As scared as she was to date again after 20 years, she just couldn’t imagine living the rest of her life without what she had with her husband. Lori knew what the rewards of a good relationship felt like, because she experienced it for 20 years.

And I finally admitted to myself that — more than anything else I could imagine — I wanted to love and be loved.

For all my single decades, the risks of dating seemed far greater than the rewards.

I walked down the aisle as a first-time bride in 2006. If you’re like I was, and having trouble imagining what grownup love (the reward) looks like, here are just some examples: I love being part of a couple – more than I even thought I would.

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They miss the intimacy and partnership and don’t want to live their lives without it.

So, in retrospect, was this reward worth the risk I took of getting help, doing some things differently, and putting myself out there? Do you sometimes feel overcome by the weight of the fear, confusion, and frustration of being single and dating?

Was it worth the hassle of putting together a profile, answering some emails, going on a bunch of dates, feeling broken hearted a couple times and dealing with a few jerks along the way?

That I couldn’t stand the hurt again…it was too damn much. I was about 45, still super single, and still had no clue why.

So I decided to seek a professional to help me figure out what was “wrong with me.” With her guidance, instead of learning what was wrong with me, I learned what was right.(They were all around me; I just chose not to see them.) I started to believe it was real…and possible. Unlike Lori, I had to imagine how it would eventually feel. But we truly know each other, like and love each other. Are you willing to finally “go for it” even though you have some fear?