Dating a transgendered man
The preoccupation with trans women’s genitals has been lengthy and disturbing. The Best way to find an answer for your questions is a Google Search.
We’re tired of being objectified over what’s in our pants, and genital reconstruction surgery is often a deeply personal topic. If you treat the date like a dictionary, we’re probably already shuffling in our purse for our car keys and telling you we have to run to the bathroom.
Steve Almond: You’re concerned that your daughter wants to date a transgender boy, and that she’s socializing with children from the L. The best way to support your daughter is to sort out how much of your anxiety arises from threats to her happiness and safety versus threats to your own idea of what’s “normal.” The central questions I’d be asking are not about who she’s hanging out with, but about her. It’s going to be hard for your daughter to trust you if she senses that you don’t trust her. Wouldn’t you do that regardless of whom she was dating? Your own daughter is part of that community and has been for several years. We’re living in a cultural moment in which kids like your daughter are suddenly free to think more openly about who they are and whom they might choose to love. Your daughter appears to have recognized that early on.
Cheryl Strayed: Nothing you write about your daughter’s choice of friends and potential dating partners gives me pause, Mother of a Free Spirit. Why do you put her current romantic interest in a special category because he’s trans? Everything that may happen between your daughter and the trans boy who’s attracted her interest is everything that may happen between your daughter and anyone she may date, their gender identity notwithstanding. So what you’re saying, on some level, is that you don’t want your daughter hanging out with kids like … That can be unsettling for those of us who grew up without those freedoms, and within systems of bigotry that assailed those freedoms as unnatural or sinful. She’s now offering you the opportunity to reckon with that truth. And bless you for being the kind of mother willing to bear the risks of self-examination. CS: Your sincere effort to do right by your free-spirited daughter is commendable.
I'm not interested in kids or sex anyway, so that aspect of it wouldn't even be a factor.
I'm more into the idea of companionship and, if a trans woman was a really cool person who I thoroughly enjoyed being around, then maybe?
Let’s not forget, however, that the adult sex movie industry is often unrealistic.
Our daughter feels it’s unfair that she has more restrictions placed on her dating than her brother.
Your discomfort doesn’t appear to stem from any peril to your daughter, but rather from your own biases. Because our transphobic society has told most of us that trans people are in a special category, that’s why. The best thing you can do for your daughter is to wrap your mind around that. You aren’t alone in feeling afraid and uncertain at various points along the way as you watch your daughter explore things that are foreign to you.
I encourage you to examine the ways that negative assumptions you’ve made about L. SA: To that end, it’s worth asking what you mean when you write that you don’t like your daughter “hanging out with these kids.” You mean kids who happen to be L. Your question about what part of her interest in gender identity is “experimental teenage stuff” and what part is “who she is” can be rightly answered two ways: In choosing the friends, romantic partners and interests she has, your daughter is showing you precisely who she is, and also, with the passage of time, who she is will change.
There are vast amounts of tools for knowledge — don’t be afraid to use them.
In fact, consider being educated your responsibility. The job market is a huge barrier for trans women and poverty is high among our demographic.
I was proud of her for her compassion and did not restrict her friendships, though she wasn’t allowed to transgender boy.