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14-Sep-2020 01:02

I’d like to note here that I don’t live in London, and so the dating experiences of Black women there may be different to those who live outside the capital.I live in a fairly large city, Bristol, and seeing White women with Black men is just as common as seeing White men with White women.After shying away from dating throughout his 20s, Gary found the Guardian Soulmates community welcoming and inclusive.He went on several dates with interesting and engaging guys, before he met Russ.Going through my contacts on Facebook reminds me that my girlfriends of colour have all been single significantly longer than my White female friends, who are often in and out of dating and relationships. Some may argue that our standards our ‘too high’, but would anyone say this to an educated White woman who only wanted to date White men?On a few occasions I’ve tried speed dating and singles nights with my White girlfriends, and not only have I been the only women of colour there, I’ve felt distinctly ignored by the men there, even though my friends commented on my exuberance throughout the evenings.

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It is now estimated that 48 percent of Black Caribbean men and 34 percent of Black Caribbean women are in mixed-race relationships in the UK.

He added that his White friends would not rule out dating us, but that he warned them they would have trouble handling a Black woman.

Having Black men reinforce these stereotypes makes dating harder for us. A conversation I had with my friend Ally last week summarises the confusion among my girlfriends: ‘‘I want a man I connect with on every level, and I don’t care about their colour, but I’m just having no luck, I feel like I’ve been single forever!

When I’m with my Black girlfriends, we socialise in bars and clubs which are multicultural, and our biggest complaint about non-Black men is their lack of transparency when talking with us.

They may give compliments and drop hints, and even though we believe we are showing reciprocal interest, numbers are never requested from the men or exchanged.

Black men in Bristol don’t give us the time of day.



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