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In situations where you are a wussy, it’s time to stand up, and in situations where you’re an asshole, it’s time to cool down.
In a way, you must start performing experiments and see how your environment reacts when you’re being healthy assertive – considering your own needs and the needs of other people. As an experiment, do a small assertive action that’s currently not something you would naturally do.
First of all, if you want to be assertive, you must be as aware as possible of your needs and have a clear picture of your desires.
If you weren’t raised in an environment where your major needs were met in a healthy and respectful manner, you probably have a tendency to repress your needs.
People who are naturally assertive had their needs properly met when they were young.
Thus, they developed a sense of trust, autonomy, initiative, industry, clear identity and great capacity for love.
And now, in the second part of the article, we'll look at exactly how to do that.
If you want to be healthy assertive, you need a new mental and emotional framework that leads to rational behavior and assertive agency.
Let’s look at a few steps (assertiveness exercises) for achieving all that.
If you are a very angry person, you probably have strong issues with shame.
When practicing self-exposure before doing an assertive act, you will probably feel fear and doubt.
But false guilt, with an overly strong superego, is always looking for people to please and rules to keep. Feelings of shame are based on the belief that you’re bad, flawed and not lovable.
With strong feelings of shame, it often even comes to emotional substitution, and you prefer to feel anger with other people rather than shame with yourself.
A great example is advice for guys to become more assertive in dating.